Feeling Green
“That’s my favorite color, you know,” he said as we stood in the parking lot.
I looked down at my sweater to see what color it was. Green. Not just green, but seafoam green.
I imagined the two of us in the waters of South Florida, kayaking around islands, looking for wildlife. He’d be far ahead of me, confidently paddling away, excited by the possibility of what was ahead. He excelled at everything. He was fearless. The gap between us would widen and I’d be out on my own, frightened and feeling abandoned. I’d call out to him but he wouldn’t hear me. I’d look back toward the shore but it was too far to go back alone, so I’d steel myself, paddle hard and catch up to him. I’d feel green from sea-sickness and would want to yell at him, but then he’d turn to me with a smile and I would forgive him instantly.
Or maybe it wasn’t seafoam green, it was the green of pine trees. We’d be out for a hike and he’d tell me all about the natural history of the area. Obscure things about history and how to survive if you were stranded out here in a snowstorm. He’d ask me if I knew that the botanical name of this particular pine tree was Pinus Strobus and I’d say “no.” I’d be amazed by his brilliance but he’d make me feel green, like an unripened tomato. I’d never know as much as he did or be as interesting, or have as much to say. Then he’d give me the kind of bear hug that squeezed all the air out of my lungs and I’d think that I had died and gone to heaven.
Or perhaps it was the green of a shamrock on St. Patrick’s day. We’d go to Ireland on our honeymoon. We’d go to a pub and I’d drink too much beer as he charmed the locals with stories from America. They’d say how surprised they were at how funny and smart Americans could be. Then, I’d be green with envy as he learned Irish dancing from a pretty redhead. He picked it up instantly and danced with her all night.
Back in the parking lot, I told him I couldn’t see him anymore. Of course, he was calm about it. He just shrugged his shoulders and said “Well, I guess the grass is always greener. Have a good life.” I cried as I walked away.
