Write365

Cheating is a strategy, not a philosophy. You shouldn’t take it personally. Truly, I don’t really consider what I do cheating anyway. I’m just trying to get by, just like we all are. And I’m getting by just fine.

I haven’t always been like this though. I started out my life quite earnestly. When the pastor told me that virtuousness would be rewarded in heaven, I was first in line at the virtue hut. When I entered school, I was sure that hard work and studying would get me far—all the way to high school, and beyond, with my proud parents at my high school graduation…! But when an entire afternoon and a good part of the night were spent studying, and I still flunked my first math test, I lost my faith. My dad called me dumb, my mom called me lazy. I’m neither dumb nor lazy. In fact, I’m quite bright. Bright enough to know that that was the last time I was going to put in that amount of hard work for zero reward.

I looked into other options for passing math tests. I looked at a lot of options. The best one was a boy called Carl. Now, I didn’t exactly ask him to let me cheat off of him. I asked him to be my tutor. We did make some progress and the next test I got a C. That wasn’t good enough for Carl, and it wasn’t good enough for me either. The next time we did better, even if it did involve me looking over at Carl’s test to be reminded of the right answers. Men and boys are the best people to work with when you’re doing stuff like that. Girls are not only prone to incredulousness, but they are also very competitive and don’t really want to get anyone else get ahead – especially not another woman.

My parents praised me after my math improvement, but I wasn’t interested in them anymore. I was going to succeed, but not so I could get their approval. I saw how fickle that could be, and in the end, they couldn’t help me anyway. A waitress at the local Denny’s and a manager at Walmart—these were my parents. At first I felt a certain amount of anger at them for expecting too much of me. Then, I quickly realized that the opposite was true. They didn’t expect nearly enough of me. And, in turn, I expected nothing of them.

I know what you’re wondering. Did I sleep with Carl? Well, yes, I did. And I’ve slept with many men since who have helped me out – in school, in life, in my career. But I’m not a slut. Compared to my friend Dina, my numbers are quite low. She sleeps with men to make her feel better about herself. I sleep with men who happen to be in positions where they can put in a good word for me. But, you know, it only works if you have something to offer. And I’m not talking about in the bedroom. I’m merely average there. But I do offer a bit of flattery to generally neglected, perfect attractive, married men. And I give them a chance to help someone out. I read somewhere that that was good for your heart – literally. It’s good for my career too.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Carl had never let me cheat that first time. Of course, now I have no need to know math. But I gained a much greater skill than dividing fractions that sunny afternoon in Mrs. Hines class. I learned the best strategy of all. And one that comes in very handy in my current role. There’s a knock on my door….